Series: Dreams #1

I love dreams. And not just because I'm a lazy bugger who enjoys nap-time (though there is also that), but I believe dreams hold real significance in our lives. They let us know what we're feeling, on a subconscious or very obvious level. They help us work through stuff. I daresay sometimes they give us a glimpse into our futures. Forgive me for sounding all hocus-pocusy, but I'm a Piscean, and we Pisceans have a psychic streak. Sometimes my dreams come true. Maybe one of the dreams in this series will (though I doubt it will be this one).

The Jesus Dream

I’m dreaming about Jesus.

I went to church every Sunday for six years and not once then did I dream about Jesus. But now, of all moments in my life, I’m dreaming about him.

He’s sleeping rough with his disciplines. I only know this because I’ve decided to take part in a sponsored sleep-rough-for-a-week. The deal is this: people pay me to sleep on the streets for a week, and all the money I raise goes to the genuine homeless. For some reason, I thought it would be a doddle, but the eco-friendly sleeping bag I brought along has started to decompose in the rain, and I’m worried about getting run over by a bus. All the daily commuters coming out from the train station are complaining that I’m in the way. I stand up in the spot where my decomposed sleeping bag once occupied, and I yell at them that I’m raising awareness and that they should consider themselves lucky that they have jobs and homes to go to, and beds which don’t disappear as soon as it rains – but they don’t listen.

I scan the rest of the street for a better place to sleep, and that’s when I come across Jesus’ sleeping bag. I’m not sure how I know it’s his, but it is, and there’s 12 more bags lined up around it. I can’t help but notice that Peter’s got a flash new phone sitting on top of his, and find it reassuring to know that if Jesus were around today, even he would have caved to societal pressure to have all the newest things... Even though, technically, it’s Peter’s phone. There is every possibility that Jesus’ phone is a cheap pay-as-you-go deal from Argos, which he only uses in emergencies. The screen is probably in black and white, with the only game being Snakes.

Jesus doesn’t have things he doesn’t need, I decide with some certainty. Either Peter requires such a great phone because it makes spreading the word of God a whole lot easier (who needs to speak in tongues when you have unlimited minutes, texts and internet access?), or Peter’s going to get a telling off later when Jesus returns and finds his mate texting the following to John: “Yo what you up to? Jesus is fed up waiting for the bus, too expensive anyway. He’s legged it across the Thames. On foot lol. Watch, he'll be on the front page of The Metro tomorrow morning lmao."