The Role of Men in Feminism

I have a hard time finding a man happy to identify himself as "feminist" or "pro-feminist", or even a man happy to admit that he sympathises with the feminist plight. When the floor opens up to feminist discussion and I raise my hand and proudly declare, "Yo, feminist right here", here's what I usually get: I get eyes rolling; I get genuine surprise that I, a woman though I am, identify as feminist, followed by eventual "Oh, that's cool... I guess"; I get banterous "But everyone knows men are better than women" or "Oh, so you hate men", and sometimes I get legitimate disgust. So when it's this much of a struggle to get men aboard the whole idea of feminism, why should we, as women, subjugate, isolate or reject the voices of those men who do actually sympathise with us? Well, I'll tell you why:

I want men to be interested in feminism. I don't really care about semantics, and whether a man chooses to identify as "feminist" or "pro-feminist" is really beside the point, so long as he is supporting the cause - but most importantly, supporting the cause in a practical way. The whole point of feminism is to fight against the fact that the gender "female" is viewed and very often treated as inferior to the gender "male", and acknowledging that this, frustratingly, manifests itself in various ways. It manifests itself economically: women overall still earn less than men. It manifests itself in crime: women are still overwhelmingly victims of street harassment, sexual assault and domestic abuse. It manifests itself in the media: the sexualisation of girls who have barely hit puberty, and the objectification of women who are only viewed as "tits" and "arse", and not as "human being"... But you've heard this all before, guys, I know you have. So how about this:

It manifests itself in language: the worst thing you call a person, a "cunt", is just another word for the female genitalia, after all. It manifests itself in the assumption that men should be the breadwinner and women should look after the children, and it manifests itself in the judgement that is passed of a man when he answers the question "What do you do for a living?" with "I'm a dad". It manifests itself in the pressure a man feels to be "macho" or strong. It manifests itself in the very idea that to be female, to have female traits, to be in any way associated with anything female, unless you're either a) protecting her, or b) shagging her, is a negative thing.

It is not a negative thing to be female.

Nor is it a negative thing to be male. But the sad thing is that we as a society have come to associate supposedly "female" traits with weakness. "Stop being such a girl" as opposed to "Man up"; "You throw like a girl" as opposed to "Grow some balls". We live in a world where women and men are disempowered by the disempowerment of women. If we want equality - yes, equality; I'm not talking about a world governed by misandry - we need to start promoting the female gender as the amazing, strong and beautiful entity that it is. This doesn't mean that we need to slam and shame all men at every given opportunity, but it does mean that we need to be honest about our experiences without worrying about offending or upsetting those men who have never hit or sexually assaulted a woman, or shouted "SLAG!" after the woman who refused to give him her phone number. Men, we are aware that you are not all rapists, that you don't all wolf-whistle or cat-call, or truly believe that a woman's place is in the kitchen making you a sandwich. Men, we like some of you. A lot. Maybe we even love some of you. But please, we need to love ourselves, as well.

We have to free half of the human race, the women, so that they can help to free the other half.

- Emmeline Pankhurst

 

We cannot empower humanity without empowering the female gender. We cannot let people, all people, be who they truly are - complicated, dynamic, strong and emotional, aggressive and sensitive - without saying to the world, "It is OK to be a woman." And men, you have to let us say it.

 

We are afraid of walking home late at night on our own; when it comes to Reclaim The Night marches, let us reclaim the night. Your voices are overwhelmingly dominant over ours in the media; let us speak about issues which affect us. A couple of years ago, when I was commissioned to write a piece about sexism in football for a feminist website, my piece was dropped because it was felt that a male author's take on the issue was, apparently, "more relevant". This is not to say that I believe a man should be silenced or discouraged from engaging in the feminist movement, but rather that he needs to know when, where and how. Do not tell us that we are wrong, because until you have lived in our shoes and had the experiences that we have had, how could you possibly know?

 

Men, if you are truly supportive of the feminist cause, you have to support it by giving the oppressed voice room to speak.