Series: Countdown To 2012

Series: The 12 Week Countdown

Every week for 12 weeks until the dawn of the Year 2012, I am blogging about things to look forward to and things to dread about the coming year. Today there are...

...7 Weeks To 2012: The End of the World

That's it. I may as well give up now. Forget the blog: I have not made it as a writer in the full 22 years of my life, nor in the 17 years I've been writing, nor in the four years I've been identifying myself as a "writer" - realistically, I'm not going to make it in the 13 months that remain for us all. And even if, by whatever small modicum of a possibility I did suddenly strike gold tomorrow and land a book deal, or have some lucky theatre agree to put on my play, I'm not going to get a chance to experience any of the glory of being "a writer", am I? The fanmail and autograph requests and prestigious awards aren't going to come in so swiftly, are they? So I may as well give up now. I may as well give up seeking a career, blow all my wages on parties and clothes, and start drinking 50 units of alcohol a night because my liver doesn't need to hold out for that much longer.

There's a problem with the philosophy "Live like there's no tomorrow", and it is that, 9.9999999999999999999 times out of 10, there is a tomorrow, and tomorrow we have to deal with the consequences of yesterday. Call me a sensible old lady, but I don't particularly want to wake up on the 1st January 2013 and think to myself, "Oh shit. My life is a mess. I'm not supposed to still be here!"

I hope that even those who choose to give the Mayan theory the benefit of the doubt still apply a suitably cautious approach to life. Watch your diet. Don't drink too much. Don't smoke (at all: it's gross). Use a condom. Don't commit any "victimless" crimes. Because if you do any of these things, chances are your 2013 and the many, many years that follow will be blessed with some of the following: obesity, diabetes, heart disease, liver damage, lung cancer, STIs, unwanted pregnancies and/or time behind bars. And that just wouldn't be fun at all.

Sincerely,

Your cheery, optimistic Agony Aunt.