A few days ago, I wrote a poem with an anti-patriarchy theme. It would probably help for me to share the poem to demonstrate just how, exactly, it argues against patriarchy, but when you want to get your work published, sometimes, you have to hold off giving it away for free. Just sometimes. But take my word for it.
I shared the poem with a few of my friends (some male), and only a handful of (female) readers seemed to get where I was coming from. Perhaps the poem didn't make its point as strongly as I had hoped it did, but what did become evident as I was talking to people was how much men, usually, struggle to distinguish between an attack on men and an attack on patriarchy, and when arguing my point, I felt as though I was having to defend feminism.
I am not anti-men. You will probably find that most women who proudly identify themselves as "feminist" have fathers, sons, husbands, boyfriends, brothers, uncles and nephews whom they love and want to see looked after by the world; they see how feminism benefits men.
Yes, feminism benefits men.
If we lived in a truly post-feminist world, men could stay at home to raise the children. It would not be expected that it is their duty or role to win the bread, or that they must be the "protector". They could cry when they feel sad without being called a pansy or told that they are gay, as if being gay were somehow a bad thing. They would be entitled to longer paternity leave, and would not be expected to pay for meals when they go out with their girlfriends or wives, or always be the one to hold open doors. They'd probably have better sex, as numerous studies have shown that men with "feminist" partners report that they find sex more enjoyable than men whose partners aren't. They would be able to go into careers usually looked down upon or seen as "women's work", such as nursing or midwifery, and if their wives were earning more money, there would be a greater household income overall. Feminism benefits the world.
This is as close as I will come to defending feminism. Yes, sometimes I will have to make my point rudely and aggressively, and if someone says or does something fucking idiotic, I have no problem telling them that they are fucking idiotic. When our society is being dictated by powerful rich white men, I will challenge the views that are being filtered down, if those views are detrimental to every single person's right to freedom and equality.
I will not apologise for being a feminist.
Friday, 14 December 2012
Sunday, 9 December 2012
My Feminism, Your Feminism
One thing that anyone with an opinion (which is pretty much everyone) is guilty of doing, is trying to force that opinion onto other people. It's natural. We think we are right; we want to be recognised as right; we want to operate in a world where things happen our way, and the only way to achieve that (besides running a dictatorship) is in getting people to agree with us. And so we state our argument as best as we can and hope people's minds are changed.
I have been trying to force my political opinions upon the wider world since I was a child (been telling people they're sexist since 1996), but I know that there will always be a group of people who will never hear me. Our views tend to come from our own experiences, hence why the majority of people who classify themselves as "feminist" are women; these are people who experience on a daily basis gender-based discrimination. Until a man is regularly wolf-whistled at in the street, physically violated by strangers (and non-strangers), feels that his access to healthcare is under threat or that he is, for some unfathomable reason, not being given the same pay, respect and opportunities as his female counterpart, he will never really know, just like I can never really know some of the struggles other women face.
Earlier on this year, I was approached by a theatre company who wanted me to write a short play on the theme of "international protest", and I had only a couple of short weeks to write it, in-between working full-time and working on a BBC project. Due to time constraints, I went with what type of protest I thought I knew best: women's protest; feminism; exploring the discrimination and fight women face internationally. So I did some research on female genital cutting, and it was only then that it really occurred to me just how little I know and understand.
In the years that I have been reading feminist literature, writing feminist columns and engaging in feminist protest, it has always covered the same topics: female objectification, largely in the media; UK-based crime where women are usually victims; lack of positive female role models; "the glass ceiling"... And while these are all very valid issues and we should certainly be fighting our corner against them, I do wonder if we, as feminists, are isolating our sisters; I wonder if we are only presenting one "type" of feminism, a feminism which occupies the thoughts of your white middle-class, educated feminist. Yes, we should care about the numbers of women in the boardroom, but we should care equally as much about women who cannot afford childcare, women whose health and freedom is threatened every day in other countries.
Feminism is not just for me and women like me. It's for every woman and girl alive; it's for every man and boy who doesn't yet realise that freeing women means freeing all of humanity.
The trouble is, I can't tell people this. I have not been subjected to genital cutting, have not been told I am not allowed to vote, or that I have no right to an education. I have not been denied access to contraception or healthcare, have not had my body sold, or used for profit. I have not had to choose between family and career, or been criticised for that choice. The women who have need to be given as great a platform to speak as we have taken for ourselves.
I have been trying to force my political opinions upon the wider world since I was a child (been telling people they're sexist since 1996), but I know that there will always be a group of people who will never hear me. Our views tend to come from our own experiences, hence why the majority of people who classify themselves as "feminist" are women; these are people who experience on a daily basis gender-based discrimination. Until a man is regularly wolf-whistled at in the street, physically violated by strangers (and non-strangers), feels that his access to healthcare is under threat or that he is, for some unfathomable reason, not being given the same pay, respect and opportunities as his female counterpart, he will never really know, just like I can never really know some of the struggles other women face.
Earlier on this year, I was approached by a theatre company who wanted me to write a short play on the theme of "international protest", and I had only a couple of short weeks to write it, in-between working full-time and working on a BBC project. Due to time constraints, I went with what type of protest I thought I knew best: women's protest; feminism; exploring the discrimination and fight women face internationally. So I did some research on female genital cutting, and it was only then that it really occurred to me just how little I know and understand.
In the years that I have been reading feminist literature, writing feminist columns and engaging in feminist protest, it has always covered the same topics: female objectification, largely in the media; UK-based crime where women are usually victims; lack of positive female role models; "the glass ceiling"... And while these are all very valid issues and we should certainly be fighting our corner against them, I do wonder if we, as feminists, are isolating our sisters; I wonder if we are only presenting one "type" of feminism, a feminism which occupies the thoughts of your white middle-class, educated feminist. Yes, we should care about the numbers of women in the boardroom, but we should care equally as much about women who cannot afford childcare, women whose health and freedom is threatened every day in other countries.
Feminism is not just for me and women like me. It's for every woman and girl alive; it's for every man and boy who doesn't yet realise that freeing women means freeing all of humanity.
The trouble is, I can't tell people this. I have not been subjected to genital cutting, have not been told I am not allowed to vote, or that I have no right to an education. I have not been denied access to contraception or healthcare, have not had my body sold, or used for profit. I have not had to choose between family and career, or been criticised for that choice. The women who have need to be given as great a platform to speak as we have taken for ourselves.
Friday, 30 November 2012
The Grinch who tried to give back Christmas
Tomorrow we open the first window in our advent calendars. (Not me, though. I decided some years ago that if I want chocolate before breakfast, I will sodding have chocolate before breakfast. I don't need any excuses.) If we're not already, we start panicking about how little time we have left to buy our Christmas presents, send our Christmas cards, put up our decorations and start feeling festive. If we're lucky enough to have fond memories of Christmas from our childhoods, we try desperately (but always fail) to recapture the magic we once felt, and resign ourselves instead to getting slightly merry and falling asleep in front of the Christmas edition of The Royle Family/ Gavin and Stacey/ Only Fools and Horses/ EastEnders/ Coronation Street (delete as appropriate).
I know this year will be different.
I had a dream a few weeks ago that I was bearing witness to a battle between France and Germany. It was pre-1900, and my British perspective was not stained with "Oh but they're Nazis! Evil ones, die!!!" The French were throwing grenades at the unprotected and unprepared Germans. German soldiers were being burned alive, and their skeletons were dying slowly, painfully. It was painful to witness.
Flash-forward to the year 2012, and I was back at Church (I haven't attended regular old Mass since I was about 11, and my religious beliefs are far from bible-bound, but for some reason I still think of myself as Catholic). I was standing in front of a woman, a regular parishioner, serving rice to homeless people. She looked at me and I instantly recognised her as Jesus. She said to me, "Now you know, you know what you have to do."
I'm not sure that I do know what I have to do, but I know that something has to be done.
This Christmas, thousands of Britons will go without a roof over their heads. Thousands will go without a turkey (and I'm excluding non-Christians and vegetarians like myself from this total); millions are unemployed this Christmas, unable to afford the cheerful and lavish displays you see depicted on TV. We teach our children to believe in a selfless, giving superhero called Father Christmas (or Santa Claus, St. Nick, whatever you wanna call him; and yeah, he is a superhero - flies through the sky and can travel all the way around the world in one night? Not even Fly Emirates can do that), but his distribution of Christmas cheer is far from equal. Tom gets a bike and a Wii and a trampoline and a puppy from Father Christmas; Stacey gets a second-hand doll.
I want to ask you all a question - especially those of you who consider yourself Christian: What is Christmas, really? What does it celebrate? We put a tree up inside our living room, throw tinsel over it and we think we know what it means. We indebt ourselves to massive corporate organisations which exploit underpaid workers so that they can make a fat profit, so that our great-aunt can have a bar of soap which apparently smells like lavendar. We eat so much that we are in pain by the end of the day. We pull crackers, wear stupid hats and tell stupid jokes which make us laugh, not because they're funny, but because they don't even make any sense. Maybe some of us go to church, praise God and then shuffle back home again, back to our brand spanking new laptop or iPod. Do we listen to a single word said at church? Do we understand, not only what Christmas means, but what Jesus means?
Like I said before, it's been a long time since I last attended Mass - more than a decade, in fact - so I don't want to sit about preaching about something I don't even do myself. I don't ask you to take down the tree before it's even been put up, to not give out presents or cards, to deprive your children of the magic you perhaps once experienced. But what I do ask is this: Consider your beliefs; consider your conscience; consider those who have no one else to consider them.
I know this year will be different.
I had a dream a few weeks ago that I was bearing witness to a battle between France and Germany. It was pre-1900, and my British perspective was not stained with "Oh but they're Nazis! Evil ones, die!!!" The French were throwing grenades at the unprotected and unprepared Germans. German soldiers were being burned alive, and their skeletons were dying slowly, painfully. It was painful to witness.
Flash-forward to the year 2012, and I was back at Church (I haven't attended regular old Mass since I was about 11, and my religious beliefs are far from bible-bound, but for some reason I still think of myself as Catholic). I was standing in front of a woman, a regular parishioner, serving rice to homeless people. She looked at me and I instantly recognised her as Jesus. She said to me, "Now you know, you know what you have to do."
I'm not sure that I do know what I have to do, but I know that something has to be done.
This Christmas, thousands of Britons will go without a roof over their heads. Thousands will go without a turkey (and I'm excluding non-Christians and vegetarians like myself from this total); millions are unemployed this Christmas, unable to afford the cheerful and lavish displays you see depicted on TV. We teach our children to believe in a selfless, giving superhero called Father Christmas (or Santa Claus, St. Nick, whatever you wanna call him; and yeah, he is a superhero - flies through the sky and can travel all the way around the world in one night? Not even Fly Emirates can do that), but his distribution of Christmas cheer is far from equal. Tom gets a bike and a Wii and a trampoline and a puppy from Father Christmas; Stacey gets a second-hand doll.
I want to ask you all a question - especially those of you who consider yourself Christian: What is Christmas, really? What does it celebrate? We put a tree up inside our living room, throw tinsel over it and we think we know what it means. We indebt ourselves to massive corporate organisations which exploit underpaid workers so that they can make a fat profit, so that our great-aunt can have a bar of soap which apparently smells like lavendar. We eat so much that we are in pain by the end of the day. We pull crackers, wear stupid hats and tell stupid jokes which make us laugh, not because they're funny, but because they don't even make any sense. Maybe some of us go to church, praise God and then shuffle back home again, back to our brand spanking new laptop or iPod. Do we listen to a single word said at church? Do we understand, not only what Christmas means, but what Jesus means?
Like I said before, it's been a long time since I last attended Mass - more than a decade, in fact - so I don't want to sit about preaching about something I don't even do myself. I don't ask you to take down the tree before it's even been put up, to not give out presents or cards, to deprive your children of the magic you perhaps once experienced. But what I do ask is this: Consider your beliefs; consider your conscience; consider those who have no one else to consider them.
Tuesday, 27 November 2012
Ambition
I struggle with the term "ambition". I'm wary of job advertisements which seek "ambitious" applicants, and uncomfortable with what this term tends to mean to wider society. It's a dissatisfaction with what you've already got, and a strive for more; more money, more materialism, more for yourself. It's apparently a positive quality in a person. It's what we should all be, and it qualifies our worth to the rest of society, all the while disempowering those who lack it.
"Ambition" is not available to all. It's not a personality trait you're born with; it's genetically inherited in the same way that wealth is, and becomes persistently more obvious the older you get. It's drummed into you, or drummed out of you, as you develop. When you're a child, they ask you what you want to be when you grow up. If children were handed out application forms, some forms would have a list of 500 careers available to choose from; other forms would have a list of 10. Tick the appropriate box.
Those fortunate enough to have "ambition" bestowed upon them at birth are told the age-old lie that you can do anything if you set your mind to it. Some people can. Some people can dig and climb their way out of the deepest slums and become Sir Alan Sugar, and we are told that "If I can do it, why can't you?" - but not everyone can win the lottery. If we were all astronauts, popstars, actors, scientists and laywers, who would sweep the streets? Who would collect your rubbish? Who would unblock your toilet? Who would stack the shelves of your local supermarket? Who would teach your children, and look after you when you're too sick or too old to do it yourself?
"Ambition" is a lie. "Privilege" is the truth.
If you have the privilege to touch whichever dream your mind dares conjure up, be bold enough to look upon those who don't with the same respect given to you, the same respect you feel you have "earned". Do not blame, disempower, chastise or divide those you consider beneath you. Look upon ambition as a strive not for money, materialism or personal gain, but as a strive for happiness - however that might be gained.
And once you do, maybe then we can all have ambition.
"Ambition" is not available to all. It's not a personality trait you're born with; it's genetically inherited in the same way that wealth is, and becomes persistently more obvious the older you get. It's drummed into you, or drummed out of you, as you develop. When you're a child, they ask you what you want to be when you grow up. If children were handed out application forms, some forms would have a list of 500 careers available to choose from; other forms would have a list of 10. Tick the appropriate box.
Those fortunate enough to have "ambition" bestowed upon them at birth are told the age-old lie that you can do anything if you set your mind to it. Some people can. Some people can dig and climb their way out of the deepest slums and become Sir Alan Sugar, and we are told that "If I can do it, why can't you?" - but not everyone can win the lottery. If we were all astronauts, popstars, actors, scientists and laywers, who would sweep the streets? Who would collect your rubbish? Who would unblock your toilet? Who would stack the shelves of your local supermarket? Who would teach your children, and look after you when you're too sick or too old to do it yourself?
"Ambition" is a lie. "Privilege" is the truth.
If you have the privilege to touch whichever dream your mind dares conjure up, be bold enough to look upon those who don't with the same respect given to you, the same respect you feel you have "earned". Do not blame, disempower, chastise or divide those you consider beneath you. Look upon ambition as a strive not for money, materialism or personal gain, but as a strive for happiness - however that might be gained.
And once you do, maybe then we can all have ambition.
Keep It Going
The Earth is finely tuned.
Temperature.
The air's composition.
Diet.
Lifespan.
Love.
Everything is put on Earth for precisely one reason: to keep it going. Keep it ticking. Preserve what we have, nourish life and watch it blossom.
You are here for that very reason.
Keep it going.
Keep it ticking.
Preserve what we have, nourish life and watch it blossom.
I'm not talking about your own life; I'm talking about the life of the world.
Temperature.
The air's composition.
Diet.
Lifespan.
Love.
Everything is put on Earth for precisely one reason: to keep it going. Keep it ticking. Preserve what we have, nourish life and watch it blossom.
You are here for that very reason.
Keep it going.
Keep it ticking.
Preserve what we have, nourish life and watch it blossom.
I'm not talking about your own life; I'm talking about the life of the world.
Monday, 26 November 2012
Hiatus?
I think. A lot. The term "overthink" is often bandied about where I'm concerned, and while this can often be a negative thing (in fact, it usually is a negative thing; my thoughts tend not to be: "The world is good. I can smell flowers. Life is beautiful. I want to go and run naked and free in a meadow."), it is also the thing that keeps me moving. It's the thing that leaves me unsatisfied and wanting more of a good thing, less of a bad thing or something different entirely. It is the thing that makes me understand people, helps me see the other side of the story (and the other side, and the other side, and the other side). It's the thing that frees me to write. Thoughts come to me in a jumble of words which don't necessarily form a coherent sentence, but form a coherent expression (as evidenced by this, probably).
My problem at the moment is that I have too many thoughts, and I don't know where to put them all. I don't have one batch of jumbled words; I have about 50.
But I'm working on it, so please excuse my absence from the blog lately...
My problem at the moment is that I have too many thoughts, and I don't know where to put them all. I don't have one batch of jumbled words; I have about 50.
But I'm working on it, so please excuse my absence from the blog lately...
Wednesday, 17 October 2012
"Guys, it's my body."
For the last year, I have been writing a play about a young woman’s decision either to keep or abort a pregnancy. About a month ago, I wrote my final scene, pulled everything together, stayed up till the early hours of the morning and read through it, from start to end.
When I reached the end, I realised that I was far from finished.
The thing I had overlooked all year long when I had been writing the play was the very message I wanted to put across at the start. I had spent so long deliberating whether the character should or shouldn’t terminate this unplanned pregnancy that it began to feel like it was me, and not Gemma (my main protagonist), making the decision. Kind of ironic given my standpoint on this issue.
I have never been pregnant, let alone experienced an unplanned pregnancy. You get some pro-lifers who concede that “Yeah, I guess if she’s raped then that’s different, maybe abortion is okay then”, but I consider that argument irrelevant. There are near-infinite reasons why a woman might want to terminate a pregnancy: it was conceived through rape; she can’t afford it; she considers herself too young or too old; she doesn’t think she’s ready; she’s afraid for hers or the baby’s physical or mental wellbeing; she does not want children... The reasoning does not alter the effect. If a woman does not want to donate her body to another being for nine months (and then some; the effects of pregnancy don’t cease entirely after birth), is that not all there is to it?
Very often in life, you try to see things from another’s point of view by saying to yourself, “What would I do if I was in that situation?” I am sure there are plenty of women who would or who have continued with a pregnancy which was conceived through rape, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with those who choose to do that. That is their choice. I have known women who have fallen pregnant accidentally and gone on to have a baby, and there is nothing wrong with that choice. But what is right for those women might not necessarily be right for every other woman on the face of the earth. Do I know what I would do if I fell pregnant tomorrow? I know what I might do, but how do you ever truly know what you would do until you are in that situation? You only have to look at history and at places where abortion is illegal to see the damaging effects this has on women’s health; spend any length of time on the web and you will find countless personal stories of women who have suffered or even died as the result of the unavailability of abortion clinics. In fact, I’ll start you off with this one.
I don’t agree that men shouldn’t have opinions on abortion – after all, I have opinions on all kinds of stuff that don’t directly affect me – but there’s a difference between opinion and dictating. I might think that my friend painting her bathroom pea green is a poor choice, but I’m not going to march into her home with a pot of paint and a roller and paint over it blue. (Weird analogy, but you get my point.) Ultimately, abortion is an issue that will never directly affect men. Men do not have wombs, nor vaginas, nor breasts (well, not the kind that lactate, anyway), and yet more than three-quarters of MPs are male. These are currently the people making decisions about women’s reproductive rights, and that, if anything, is wrong.
When I reached the end, I realised that I was far from finished.
The thing I had overlooked all year long when I had been writing the play was the very message I wanted to put across at the start. I had spent so long deliberating whether the character should or shouldn’t terminate this unplanned pregnancy that it began to feel like it was me, and not Gemma (my main protagonist), making the decision. Kind of ironic given my standpoint on this issue.
I have never been pregnant, let alone experienced an unplanned pregnancy. You get some pro-lifers who concede that “Yeah, I guess if she’s raped then that’s different, maybe abortion is okay then”, but I consider that argument irrelevant. There are near-infinite reasons why a woman might want to terminate a pregnancy: it was conceived through rape; she can’t afford it; she considers herself too young or too old; she doesn’t think she’s ready; she’s afraid for hers or the baby’s physical or mental wellbeing; she does not want children... The reasoning does not alter the effect. If a woman does not want to donate her body to another being for nine months (and then some; the effects of pregnancy don’t cease entirely after birth), is that not all there is to it?
Very often in life, you try to see things from another’s point of view by saying to yourself, “What would I do if I was in that situation?” I am sure there are plenty of women who would or who have continued with a pregnancy which was conceived through rape, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with those who choose to do that. That is their choice. I have known women who have fallen pregnant accidentally and gone on to have a baby, and there is nothing wrong with that choice. But what is right for those women might not necessarily be right for every other woman on the face of the earth. Do I know what I would do if I fell pregnant tomorrow? I know what I might do, but how do you ever truly know what you would do until you are in that situation? You only have to look at history and at places where abortion is illegal to see the damaging effects this has on women’s health; spend any length of time on the web and you will find countless personal stories of women who have suffered or even died as the result of the unavailability of abortion clinics. In fact, I’ll start you off with this one.
I don’t agree that men shouldn’t have opinions on abortion – after all, I have opinions on all kinds of stuff that don’t directly affect me – but there’s a difference between opinion and dictating. I might think that my friend painting her bathroom pea green is a poor choice, but I’m not going to march into her home with a pot of paint and a roller and paint over it blue. (Weird analogy, but you get my point.) Ultimately, abortion is an issue that will never directly affect men. Men do not have wombs, nor vaginas, nor breasts (well, not the kind that lactate, anyway), and yet more than three-quarters of MPs are male. These are currently the people making decisions about women’s reproductive rights, and that, if anything, is wrong.
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